


Too Different

by stars_and_shadows



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Elves, F/M, Jealousy, Love Confessions, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 21:15:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8549386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stars_and_shadows/pseuds/stars_and_shadows
Summary: He will always love her, he thinks. Some things are not meant to be, and nobody knows that better than Ashera Mahariel. They were just, and will always be, too different from eachother.





	

He would always love her, Alistair thought, in one way or another. The Warden was a rose, through and through, beautiful but with sharp thorns. He respected her for that, but had grown to love the completely different side of her she so rarely showed.

Ashallee had come a long way from who she had been, he was proud. She had been kind to him, or as kind as she could muster. Alistair saw the mistrust in her eyes, but no fear. Never fear. Now, she looked at humans with a much broader eye. She gave them a chance. 

It was not fair of him to be jealous of the Antivan. Zevran and Ashallee were both elves, they were both rogues, they both defected from their groups. They both had lost people dear to them and could only bottle up the hate and the guilt they felt. They were the same. 

He was too different. For starters, he was human, a Templar, a bastard prince. They were too different for them to have ever had a chance. 

There was a time before she met the assassin where he though, wholly believed, that they could be more. They could have been more. It was a thought that haunted him in the dead of night when he didn't sleep. If he had just been. . . anyone but himself, perhaps they could have been more.

 

When Ashera Mahariel, the Hero of Ferledan, visited him on the eve before she was meant to leave for Amaranthine, Alistair was more than surprised. He had come into the throne room to think, as he sometimes did. In fact, now that he was king, he did a lot of thinking. 

She had left shortly after the coronation, her Antivan at her side, of course. He had been jealous. Honestly, he still was, and he missed her. Maker preserve him, she was off gallivanting around the world with her elven lover yet he still ached to see her. She never did tell him goodbye, perhaps that was what stung the most.

Alistair, he thought, surely you must be dreaming. He didn't have the will to try to wake himself, if this was a desire demon come to reap his longing, surely he would succumb to it. 

"My King," She spoke dutifully, and bowed. Her dark hair was cut short again, just long enough to pull the back into a band and tie it. It reminded him of when they traveled together. 

"I thought you were an elf, and didn't bow to a human king," Alistair said. It was more of a joke than an actual accusation, his surprise showing plainly on his face.

"I am no longer Dalish, and Fereldan is the only home I have ever known. It's only fair that I claim that I hail from here," Ashera made it a point to smile. "It it is good to see you, Alistair, my old friend,"

He stepped down from the fancy throne to greet her with a hug. She accepted it gladly. 

"I fear I do not have much time," She pushed at his chest urgently, "I really shouldn't be here without telling the guards,"

"You shouldn't," He said, sternly this time, giving her one of his infamous 'kingly' looks. She laughed. Maker, that laugh, as rare as a flower in winter, it was. Ashera held onto his forearm as she spoke, solid, grounding. He did not believe this was a dream anymore.

"I- as you know, I've been promoted to Warden Commander of- well, you know," She sighed, the weight of the world rested on her shoulders again. He felt guilty. 

"I thought that now would be a good time to get things off my chest," Her head bows towards her boots, they are black like a raven's wings and just as shiny. 

"And you have to come to me for that?" Alistair questioned honestly, his heart speeding up magnificently in his chest. This was not happening, not now of all times.

"It concerns you. It concerns us," She whispered the word like it was a secrete. He felt a sick feeling spread though him. "I realize I never gave you a proper answer for- why,"

"Ash," He began in earnest, clasping a hand around her shoulder. "You do not need to, it is your right," 

"I want to," She looked at him then. Stormy eyes locked with his own, a familiar look of determination washing over her features. Alistair went quiet, and put on his best 'you have my undivided attention' face. Which was not that hard, considering who he was looking at.

"It is not- it wasn't because you are human. Yes, I will admit, at Ostagar- You were just- another shemlen. I admit, I was initially only kind because I was sick, and I was tired of fighting those trying to help me. You are, and will always be, the first human I gave a full chance,"

"Duncan-"

"He doesn't count. I didn't trust him, I didn't try. He took me away from everyone and everything I ever knew, and destroyed the only thing that could have helped me find my best friend,"

Alistair shut up then, her sharp tone enough to dissuade him from speaking on the subject again. She had been kind when he was upset about his mentor, his father figure. He saw now that it had been an effort on her part.

"You were funny, you were kind to me, and you grew on me," She smiled sadly, at that. "I did not want to loose you, and I did not want to believe that I loved you then. I, instead, swore after Ostagar that I would not loose anyone else,"

The expensive clothing that he wore were no match for her fingernails in his forearm, he did not care.

"But I did Alistair, as much as my bitter, black heart could allow it. I did love you, but I was afraid. I was afraid that we were too different from each other, that I wouldn't be able to keep you, that anything we shared would end in tragedy, I guess I was right,"

Alistair wasn't sure what face he was making but it certainly wasn't one a king should make. "Wait, Wait, Wait," He could already see her retreating, even though she had not made a move to support that theory. She was his friend, his best friend, and he knew her better than anyone. "Tragedy, end, you were right? How?"

"Alistair," Her words were clipped, "You are the king, by my doing but there was no other way, and I refuse to be the king's whore,"

"I would never-"

"Save it. I know that you wouldn't, but I still have quite a few things I still stand by as a person. This is one. Hating the Chantry is the other. Humans are a case by case decision," 

"So, that's it? That's your explanation?" He did not mean to come off as angry. Ashera didn't look surprised.

"That I was scared of loosing the first person I could trust since being taken away?"

"Then what about. . ." He trailed off, turned, and started to head for the exit. She followed, making a clicking sound with her tongue. 

"Ah. So that's what this is about,"

"I'm not jealous," 

"I believe you are," 

He spun on his heel to face her again, shoulders heaving with the effort to breathe evenly, face red. Ashera took a single step back, a calm, composed look on her face and arms tucked neatly behind her back.

"I- I will say- it wasn't on purpose. It just sort of happened-" They were the same, Alistair thought. 

"And what then? Just forget all about the human?" He was angry at himself for not seeing.

"No, never, but it was not meant to be. Just like I and Ta-" She still cannot say the name aloud, and Alistair respected that. She fidgeted under his ggaze, her shoulders sagging a nervous posture, but she does not flinch. She is not afraid of him, and surely, that is one of the last things he takes comfort in now. 

Her eyes are sad, taking in his defensive posture, his anger. Ashera takes another step back, not out of fear, she was gearing up for her escape.

They were too different, Alistair thought, and she was right. She normally was. It was better

"I'm just an elf, let it ago. It is better this way," She disappeared in a puff of smoke, he is barely able to comprehend her leaving. He is shocked, and appalled. For even if she had never felt the same, they were still friends and for her to think so lowly of her self in comparison to him. He in shock. 

Once again, Ashera did not say goodbye.

 

The last time he saw her before the sky ripped itself open was when he responded to a distress signal at her new fortress. She, now Warden Commander and Arlessa, and she had plenty of work on her hands.

She explained the situation to him with a firm hand on his armored shoulder. She told him she would get to the bottom of this. She told him she would not let him down, and to not worry about her any longer.

He, in turn, told her he would always worry about her. The confession made her smile.

"And I, you, my king. Always,"

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Dragon Age fandom, my writing isn't the greatest, and I wrote this under an hour due to a sudden spark of inspiration, but I hope you can accept a little sad story for my Dalish Warden, Ashera Mahariel. 


End file.
